Its like the worse day ever.
Today is the last day of Sec1 and would be promoted to Sec2 next year.Received our report book.Was not my expectation and I hope i had done better.Danial had some slide show of pictures to show us.He off all the lights and show the slide.While showing,they play 'Thats why(you go away)'.It really brought tears to my eyes.No one was around me and i cried.Lucky no one saw cause it was in the dark.But when the lights are On back,i took my report book and covered my face,showing everyone like im reading.All of the sudden,i felt arms around my shoulder.I guess,its only Nisarat who realise i was crying.More tears filled my eyes.She hugged me.It was then the others saw me with tears.No,no one on Earth knows why i cried,Only god..

Its so fast and it came to the end of the year.Sec1 really brought alot of memories and scars.I had a Sec1 Interaction Camp scar on my knee and Homec Practical scar on my hand.Such a greatful to have teachers for Sec1,but not sure whether they even cared.
Mdm Zainab ~ No-no serious ( Always make jokes which we believed )
Ms Arnita ~ Joker ( Make jokes that give me stiches )
Mr Sin ~ Crappy ( Jokes are abit lame.. )
Mr Jae ~ Caring and Encouraging ( Cares for his students WhoOsh! )
Cikgu Jeffri ~ Serious
Mrs Danial ~ Ms Perfect
Ms Tan ~ Pretty
Mdm Fauziah ~ Magnanimous
Mdm Low ~ Fierce
Ms Yuen ~ Kind in the inner
Thank You TeAcHeRs!
Yes,just wish could express my feelings to anyone bout today.No one knows the reason why I cried.If you wanna know,feel free to ask me.
Today is 28 Oct and its Jiaen's Bday.Next month,is the day of my operation.Mdm Zainab knows bout my operation already.I just wish..


I really wish i could be..please god..~Off now

Went to help Mdm Zainab and Mdm Yang to draw at the Homec Room.It was tiring and I got headache.Gosh.

Was warming up for the relay when Jocelyn asked whether I had to got the Operation.My knee hurts then.All i wanted was an encouragement.Went to canteen when someone said " I hope you would have a successful operation.Be Brave! " It teared my heart alot.I was touched.I almost cried but i hold back my tears.
The Interhouse Compettition is officially cancelled.Aww mann..Next year would not have any House right?

Wanted to run for the last time before the operation,at school,but cancelled.
Tomorrow is the last day for Secondary School.**Cries and Sobs** Gonna miss all my friends and the teachers.
What a day..~Off now

Finding a way to persuade Mum to allow me to keep Stinky.She is pastering me to send Stinky off to the pond.Which pond? She said,it is sinful to keep animals,its better to set it free.So,a pet is when you buy,waste your money,just to set it free? That was in my mind.Didn't let out. So what is the solution? Neh,Nope,Never.I'm gonna miss Stinky.Talking bout the Pond,does that pond gives daily food to terrapins? Anyway,feel free to correct me when I'm wrong.Any suggestions?

Today's Interhouse is officially POSTPONED! It really rained cats and dogs this afternoon.Had a hard time going to school when it rained.I was drenched when i reached school.At least,good if it is postponed cause there is time for me and Azrah to find Hafizah or Mr Jae.

I'm tired..~Off now

Can't wait till tomorrow.Its something like Interhouse Compettition that is going on at 3pm.So must rush home and get back to school.I'm kind of scared.Cause,Azrah,Samantha and Me sign up for relay and Captain ball.Was told that was allowed to join only one.Once,i asked YiQin and he said can.I didn't believe Azrah so decided to ask Mr Jae.He said yeah only 1.Then a Sec2 girl,Izzah said that my name is listed on the Captain Ball list.I'm doomed! So does that mean I'm going to get scolded by the House Master or House Captain? Gosh..I'm confused.So what am I suppose to do?Just wishing for courage when I get scolding.Please..

Is there painkiller for backbones?My backbone is killing me..geez~Off now

Went to Pet Safari to get Stinky a new tank.He had grown so big! And also,get him his favourite food,shrimps! Obviously I don't know whether it is his favourite food,but ever since i gave him the stick food,his water turned green.So it stinks,and that is why I named him "Stinky". I just hate when any of my family member said "Let this terrapin out to the sea!" How can i? This terrapin is still small! And on the other hand,I made a promise with my MT teacher last year,that I won't let him out.Yes,Stinky is a Terrapin and it was given by my MT teacher last year.I'm not a pet-lover unlike Iffa.Who loves Pets especially her kitten and her hamster.I had a hamster last time,but my hamster died after 3 Months.Long story.If you want to know then just ask me.It was such a regret..

This days are such a bore.Especially when it is fasting month and no school.Just imagine what is gonna happen during the Nov and Dec holidays.At least during the Nov i can go out and play but Dec is the worse!After the Op. , i have to rest and worse still,crutches! Its difficult right,with crutches and i go sleepover at Iffa house?
School ends on the 26 Oct.Asked someone,what am i gonna do during the holidays? He told me to visit my pri school.I love to,but during Teachers' Day,when i went,the teachers like didn't even want to talk.Maybe talk for awhile.I think they had forgotten us and hate us.Does teachers in JYSS hates me? Sometimes, I think they hate me..

Yeah,so much for a long post.This is what boredom had done to me.Hee ~Off now

I don't need the sympathy.All i need was a counseller alright?

I want to be back to my cheerful me,I wanna be the way I was during Semester 1,I wanna my worries to fade off,I wanna be myself.Need a counseller..

Would anyone understand?
Where did i go wrong?
God,Please..~Off now

I just don't feel to good today.Not sure why.Mdm Fauziah asked how come i looked so sick and sad.Obviously I'm sick and my voice changed cause of my sickness.Was asking Mr Galistan why there isn't Track and Field at JYSS.Firstly,JYSS don't have track but have field and not much people are interested.Yeah,its true.He told me to ask Mr Yap to get me in to Track And Field outside.If in that case,i have to think about it then.Went Regional library with Azrah and met Huda at Library.Had to get home fast before bro are off to Friday Prayers.
Azrah said we are only allowed to join 1 item for the whatever thing that is happening on Tues.Kinda confused too..

I just felt I'm against by my classmates.I just feel like screaming my heads off.Can't help it anymore..If only people would not think I'm crazy when I'm talking to God.No one understands me i guess.So much more when i think that person is also against me.I just feel like crying.Obviously i don't know what had happen to me this Semester.Everything seems to be like a disaster.
Finally received the mail.I cried when i read the message when i knew how the person told me to think positive.Was touched by the message.Thank You so much Sumone.

The pic at the middle of my blog is taken during NCC camp.Reminds me alot.Looks like I'm only one infront yeah?I do feel odd that time,and don't feel honoured just because was getting Best Cadet Award,hahaha!Yup,I love this song alot.Taken by Lion King II.Its tells about we are not only one and if there is a will,there is a way.

I wish,I wish,I wish..~Off now

Feelings of uneasy.I just feel like asking god,to tell the truth whether its true.Whether its true that the person hates me.Every lesson with the person,I would always feel that I had done something really wrong.And so much more when i need to find the truth.Got no one to ask,no one who can trust to tell.I'm not sure whether hates me,but..suspect that.

Great,all results are given.I hope I can.
Yay!Finally,me and Azrah had sign up for the relay.Was asking Azrah whether she wants to join Captain Ball too,she wanted so we joined both.Hahaha!I know,I shouldn't run because of my knee.But,can I run and just enjoy before my op. ? But the latest worry is,would the Centaur Members,Centaur Leaders,Centaur Captain and Centaur Master would be dissapointed if we didn't make it? Obviously it is a yes.Sign. That is why i think twice before signing up.Would i get blame for everything just because my name was the first one in the list.Think so..
I hope,I wish,I can..~Off now

I have thought all over of it.Why must i hate myself when i have lived and be myself all along? Sometimes,like what you had always thought that you could do,and and it went topsy-turvy,its when you would say "I hate myself " right? Thats for me.I realised that now.Anyway,anyone might thought I have change ever since Semester2 starts.To me,I have not change my character yet.But,the disapointments and sadness had overlap my happiness.And,if i had change,i changed for good and its for my future.Sorry,I really seek for your forgiveness.Forgive me..

Of terror and worrying,the results were revealed.Dissapointments and Happiness.Gosh,how could this happen? I know,i dissapoint alot of people.How can i did badly for my MT? How..how? I..can't answer it.Malay friends told me" Don't cry " Obviously I won't cry over spilt milk,and I didn't cry.Just dissapointed.Only God Knows Why,Only God..
I'm obviously happy with my Maths!Hard Work Pays Off!
Took Pics during Eng lesson for being the last lesson.Mdm Zainab wanted to have the Community to get together and take pics.
Pics taken -

The Representatives for Class/Subject. (Some are not in)
~ThE BoYs aRe LiKe StaTuEs ! ~

~ FaKe GuNs UsEd By Hand! Haha! ~
* Nice PoSe Sabri.YoUr LeG iS LiKe A GiRl! Haha!
Poor Suhaimi.Bullied by Danial. ^Curse Off^

Went to sign up for the relay for next Tuesday with Azrah.She wanted to run too.Yeah!~Off now

Impatiently waiting for Sumone's email.Can't wait for him/her to reveal who is he/she.Oh ya,my email is runner_champion@hotmail.com
I'm getting weaker and weaker.
I'm sure gonna get a flu soon.

Its fine to me that people wants to visit me at the Hosp.But,i don't want to trouble you guys.That is why i hate to tell anyone bout what is gonna happen.Anyway,can't stop people from visiting me.I know,I'm stubborn.That is what Hasanah and Shikin said when i refuse that they shouldn't come.Haha,kinda jealoused with Iffa cause when she was hospitalised,her Teachers and PRINCIPLE came to visit.Haha i guess for me none cause its not up to,that happened in school and guess none of the teachers know what Hosp.

I'm still scared bout the Op. and the glucose injection with the tube.Gosh i feel so sick after hearing what is gonna happen.Anyway,made a decision to go to class B2.Thought wanted B2+ but KK Hosp,children's tower does not have that class..
Who to give me strength and courage?
God..~Off now

Grandma and Aunt are off to "Umrah".
Think bout playing the rain or get drench,ITS NOT FUN! Well, i tried.Today it rained cats and dogs.Mum didn't bring key so had to go to bro's friend's house to find bro which is at Pasir Ris.I went alone while mum sat at the void deck.I had no umbrella and i got all drenched.Its worse then drench,its like I just had a shower in my clothes.Not trying to be disgusting,my undergarments were wet too! Hahahah!
Went to his friend's house when i notice i had the wrong house and thought they were not at home.I cried cause i didn't know how to get home.But at last I did get.Went home when saw Dad had rescue us.Phew!Had a nice,warm,fresh bath.Mum told me to break my fast at 3pm,cause my lips were blue,my face is pale and my palm is white and cold.I didn't break my fast.I knew i could handle in such the situation that i didn't eat in the morning before Sunrise.I slept till 6:30pm and knew i can handle in how many minutes.I guess,sooner I'm getting a cold.What a sacrifice..

Gosh,was told about what is gonna happen to me when i go for the op.Dad says that I'll be injected at the other side of the palm and they would insert a tube for the glucose to go through.Iffa had experience it and said it was painful.Gosh!It cannot be!Dad also said I have to use crutches after the op.Damn It! Is it all true?Mann,I'm terrified.God,please give me the strength and courage.~Off now

Alright!Exams are over.It said,its time to worry.Haha I'm sure being ridiculous.Azrah said I've really gone bonkers ever since i turn 13,Hahaha I admit it!

I have nothing to say but still,I'm a Coward,Loser,Pathetic,Freak,Terrible,Useless,Hopeless,Moron.You can add somemore later.
How much i tried,humans proved that.Prove to me if I'm not.Why am I always the one,that people always refer to me.Why must i always do something wrong? Why people blame me when i tried to help,but said,its all my fault and showed me that I'm useless?
Don't bother saying that I'm not.Prove to me then..~Off now

Yup,Its 11 Oct.
Received presents,testimonials,calls,greetings,cards and wishes.Today I turn 13 !
Well,don't expect anything from anyone actually.Iffa was the 1st person who gave me a Birthday present that she brought from London.She gave me during the June Holidays! Haha!
Syafiqah and Huda gave me a photo Frame.Thanks alot! I love their wrappings! I can't remember when was the last time i received a wrapped present.Was P5 ?1st Bro gave me..an Ice-Cream stick.Hahaha!Its okay.
Received testimonials from Yahya,Camelia,Izzat,Sharifah,Yue Ping and Huda.Thanks too.Husna called wishing me a Happy Birthday.Amanda called to meet me and Jasmine this Friday.So touched that my pri sch friends remembered.

Lots of people wished me Happy Birthday and especially Khairi,who made a cheer or something that goes like this : " Hey Shorty!Hey Shorty ! its your Birthday!! " Haha,didn't feel offended.Today,I went crazy!Haha!
Well,the thing i hope was that..nevermind,no point worrying for that..
My problems are blocked.Muahaha!Actually,i still have it stucked with me but i kept myself busy like what Mr Sin said.Can start worrying bout that after Exams.Hehe!

Anyway,Haha Birthday Wish! Currently waiting for the Pizzaman to come.Hehe!
What a day ! ~Off now

I hate myself.
Turn out to be a bad day today at school.Seems that I can't concentrate in school.PE,sign,I got 3 for my serving.How worser can i go? The funny part was,Suhaimi and Danial were soaking wet in their pants,Hahaha! I just don't know what make me feel so sad about today's PE lesson.After dismissal,forgotten my wallet and went back.Mr Jae asked me bout the op. When he asked,I can feel tears gushing to my eyes.I tried to hold back,not to let anyone see.Must i be specific?Its November 28,KK Hosp alright?

He then said bout me resting for Dec.Thats worse.Come to think bout what "Sumone" said at the Tagboard.I didn't approach Mr Jae.Sorry i guess.
Sumone,if you are reading this,I didn't mean it.I'm sorry.Does that mean i have to suffer during my exams?Yes,Regrets.But i got no courage.
Everything is getting from bad to worse.
MT,Hasanah came and approach me and asked me bout the op.From that,tears just drop from my eye.I know she saw that.She was planning that,Shikin,Khairin and Hasanah are going to visit me.I was so touched but i don't expect.

Its when i have to say,its worser than ever.I HATE MYSELF!! And even more after this.I have no one to consult with.Aww man,I can't take it,Only God Knows Why.
Can I talk to anyone?Please,Please,don't crash with my exams.Is there any way?
Please give me strength..~Off now

Today wasn't bad but was too WEAK.Fasting is sure tiring.Worse still,tomorrow is PE.Nevermind,I can handle it.
I'm getting too much headache.Homec cooked some kind of Prata with Tuna.Was tempted.Haha!Today is also Syafiqah's birthday,Happy Birthday!!

Today feels like a long day to me.
Am i gonna be lonely? Grandma and Aunty are going to "Mecca" this fasting month.Mann..its like,every year they are going!Argh!! I'm feeling quite despressed.Got no one to talk to.Except Iffa who is abit gone crazy after she was discharged.
I'm really sorry I can't visit Iffa.It is not i did not want to,but Mum.She kept postponing.I just feel so down and guilty for not visiting her.Aww mann.Is it my fault? Blame me please.

ARGH!! My head is going to burst.Too much worries and thinking.Mann Mann Mann..Heal me!~Off now

Feeling quite sick.I'm so worried,would i get dengue?
1 more day to Fasting Month and 1 more week till my Birthday! Well,today,was okay,just didn't feel to good in class.I need to eat more fruits.

Its when i have to admit,I am coward.I'm a coward because i didn't try to solve my problems myself,didn't approach the teachers to consult bout my problems and,I failed to be a friend to Jiaen.How pathetic can I be? No,definately I'm not gonna talk about it everything here.Its kinda offensive,i guess.Sorry..
Hearing about KK Hosp,reminds me.Less than 2 months to go.

With faith and understanding,I can..~Off now

I'll miss you.Hope you would recover.I'm so lonely without you.Practically,Iffa is hospitalised.I am really missing her.Appendix.Is it serious?Thanks to Izzat to keep me occupied.At least get to talk to someone.Mum promised me to pay Iffa a visit this Tues.
I have to think something to get rid off all my thoughts before the exams.Its true,I'm a coward!!

Thanks to this anonymous person called 'Sumone'.
Sumone,its okay if you refuse to tell your name.I don't mind.But thanks alright? Maybe its difficult for you to answer my silly questions.Someday,I'll try and consult with him.Thanks! I'll blog bout why I drown myself in negative thoughts sometime later.But,I'm still filled with curiousity bout,who you are.Heeh!All E Best for your exams too!
Tomorrow Exams Starts.~Off now

Actually,didn't want to blog today but cause of some issue.
I can't help it anymore.Make it clear,I'm not perfect.I know other people have problems,some are at the worse condition than I am.I know that.I'm guilty of it that is why i am a COWARD!I took Mdm Zainab's words clearly.But sometimes,if you have a problem,that has been bothering you,and you kept worrying about it if is for ever life.I got a problem for that.To me,its serious,maybe for you guys are not.But...well,nevermind.Only those who heard understands..
I felt hurt and stabbed after reading the msg at the Tagboard.I can't say it now.My heart hurts alot.I hate myself.

Anonymous,as far I'm concern,I don't care what you think about me.Just curse me.I know that.I know people are much worser than me.Thanks for reminding me.

Sumone,can you just leave your name?Thanks alot yeah?You are nice = )Yeah,he is a nice teacher.Haha yup,he cares alot for his students.But,other people have problems.Probably he has one too right?Think he would want to bother hearing it?I'm a coward.

Jiaen,thanks so much.But,I'm a coward.

I'm a coward.Thanks everyone,for high-lighting that for me.Can't stop crying for this.
I'm a coward..~Off now