I'm sorry...

Sorry to disapoint you.You know my feelings,you know exactly what and why i didn't want to.But,i just can't admit it.I would want to,but i just don't want to cry infront of you.Sorry i lied,even it looked and sounded so obvious(Shawn said).Thanks for saying i have the potential.Thanks for asking me to participate even it was too late.Thanks for caring for me and give me the courage.I'm so sorry...i didn't mean to disapoint you but it hurts if i participate.Thanks for giving me the glory-to-be,but i don't really need and it isn't the glory when what seems to be hurt.Sorry and thanks Mr Lim.

2nd Council Investiture,was great.But...nevermind.
Afterall,it was great and i love the part when we were at the back of the hall,joking with the two Diana.

I hate myself...

It hurts alot.
Stabs for disapointing Mr Lim, not being able to help my best bud ,being considered like a useless councilor.

I tried to make myself happy and a joker even it takes alot of stab just for a day.I didn't want to trouble you guys,i don't want to cry whenever you all ask.All i want is that my friends are happy.

God knows why...~Off now

Hey hey!

Yesterday was kinda great though.Met my primary sch friends and also my P6 Co-maths teacher.The saddess thing was,i lost my Pink Bear!! I must have dropped it.

Today suppose to attend the 2nd Student Council Investiture Rehearsal,but have Dental Appointment.Reached at the place at 3pm.Then they called me in.Took the mould of my teeth for braces.Yea,most probably getting my braces on July.Took photo of my teeth and myself.Hahaha! I was like a model or something like that! But it's my teeth,not my face.Hahaha!

I'm just a nobody..being left out,being looked down,being stepped on,being bullied at.

No use crying..
No use consulting..
No use complaining..

All i have to do is just admit the very fact.No use denying.God knows why...~Off now

Happy Birthday Iffa and Suhaimi !!!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to Iffa and Suhaimi
Happy Birthday to you !!!

Happy 12th birthday to my beloved cousin and happy 14th birthday to my irritating friend(oops).Sad that I can't sing the song with my awful voice through the phone for Iffa cause,i don't think I'm allowed to.I'll get you something Iffa!

Well,as for Suhaimi,i decided to treat him after the long,boring conference but something just clashes,so it was cancelled.Anyway the conference was about Aids and Terrorism.Its kinda boring,but i like the debate about Aids and i really admire the Third Speaker from Orchid Park Sec.I mean,if you were there to listen his debate,its damn power mann! And he won the best debater award.

Actually this post is a combine of yesterday's and today.Tomorrow is Maths Amazing Race and i don't think i'm that ready.Syafiqah helped me alot and i gotta thanks her.She always offer a helping hand.As for Suhaimi,is the one who always calm me down and he would say he is under control of all of it.Thanks dude.Sabri,he just make stupid lame jokes that would often make me laugh at the lameness.And Iffa,she is there to listen.Thanks !

Alright...~Off now

She doesn't seem to be my fav. teacher anymore...
Currently,its my 222 post.
Such a terrible day to face.

Today started really bad and infect terrible.I was hurt by some words by a teacher.I told Mr Lim that I didn't want to participate in the story telling cause of the expectation the incident was and he said,"You heart broken right?" It was true enough he was right.But i told him I wasn't and just don't want to.Mr Lim understand me well and i think he rules.That incident really turned my day down.I almost cried,but held back.
At the end of the day,I told myself that,probably the high expectations that teachers expect of me isn't true.

After recess had a short SC meeting and on the way,i hit Suhaimi's head with my head cause he stopped and i didn't realised he stopped and bang onto him.It hit my eye and what worries me is blood clod.Was giddy and about to faint but my body was struggling to take over instead of my mind.MT couldn't think cause of headache and IT had some filming.

Was happy during NCC.NCC is always when i get crazy and bonkers but today,I was happy and sad.Not that energetic.

I hate myself for being who I am right now.Things are getting worser and terrible for me. First,I was worried about hurting Sabri's calf.Then,Elaine quit from the Amazing Maths Race last minute and i panicked cause shortage of members.Hurt by the morning incident.Giddy because of the knock.Confuse of the Amazing Maths Race and its going to be 3 days time.

I eventually cried during MT knowing i'm just a useless leader and a dumb moron stupid pathetic person.Shoot me! I just can't take it anymore...I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!

Only god knows how it feels like...~Off now

I seriously don't want to be a Chairman.I mean,i don't mind but it's a really a heavy job for me this year.Councilor,Welfare Rep,Station Master,Class representative for Story Telling,NB commitee and soon would be adding more.I seriously have no time!I can't even spare time for my dentist appointment.And i just hope there won't be SC Investiture Rehearsal on this coming Tues cause i have to change again and that would be in 1 month time.

I don't care what Jian Xin and the others say about me.As long as I'm still the old Fatin i am.I don't want to change to the quiet and moody,not entertaining girl.I'm sick of being not original.I'm sick of ignoring people.I'm sick not being with my buds.It all reflected during SC Camp.It's their problem,not mine.Don't worry fellows,I'll be back to the usual me.Heehee!

Anyway,library is underconstruction that our station is a big prob now.Stayed back to wait for Mdm Teng till 4.30pm(and which in the end we didn't met her) because thats when the meeting ends.So stayed at the SC Room and cleaned some untidy stuff and Delailah told us not to get so stressed cause in the end it would turn out to be the same.Played some kind of game i invented.Haha.Then played Volleyball with Suhaimi,Fadhly and one girl whom i don't know.Long time never play VolleyB.

I've finally succeeded in making friends with some sec.1s and also Brian from 1e4 !Hehe! He is so cute!And yea,the girl by the name Athena from 1e2 is from Haig Girls' and which is my pri sch.Its shocking and not normal cause i never seen HGS people at Junyuan.Well,had a great talk with Athena,my long lost basketball opponent.

I think that's for today.~Off now

Frankly speaking,i just got no mood to blog.Its like,everything is turning upside down and all i set up was some kind of moody and bored look.It's fine with me,i just want them to be happy and not hurt my feelings.

Yes,i still run despite the pain in my ankle.Anyway,i think its recovering now.My timing was damn slow but i still made it as the first girl and third in class.Alvin who is always the first kept praising me every PE - Edurance Test. "Wow Fatin,good!You made it well despite the pain in your knee" First impression,how on earth he know there's something wrong with my knee.And secondly,he did better than me this year,so he should be praising himself or rather i should.Hahaha!

Teachers are now expecting alot from me.Its fine with me,but story telling?Mr Lim told me to participate in this Story Telling infront of Mdm Fauziah and him.No,not that im stage fright or afraid to face them,but,what story am i suppose to tell?And i suddenly feel that I'm starting to stammer.It was one incident that i stammer and it really shocked me.My words were all jumbled up and it really embarrased me infront of the intercome.Ok,no one was around except some who just started laughing at me when i said "......I would look like for Mdm Teng ." I guess i just have to go for it."Fatin,you must participate!You would really disapoint me if you never go.Go okay?"That words kept repeating at my mind.Should or Should Not?

I think i really hurt alot of people.Yea,I often set up moody face except for MT.Why,because when it comes to MT,alot of people would ask and i would start to cry.I've not been spending much time with my bestbuds and i've not been entertaining them.And i think i totally ignore them today.

I'm just so sorry...~Off now

SC CampCoach Andy

Woot Woot ! Coach Andy ROCKS !
SC Camp is such a memorable camp and which not so memorable as Camp FEAST.But nevermind.

SC SC! We really made Andy disapointed when we didn't hit the timing we wanted for the hula hoop thingy.Then that's when I told people to concentrate and help others.Our hit was 25 sec with consisting of 27 over people.We tried and we hit the time.Everyone was over joy and even Andy.SC the best !

Then we watch True Heart - William Wallace.I teared when i saw him dying for freedom for his wife and country.Anyway,i wasn't the only one who teared.After Session i dance to the song Reason,I believe I can fly and etc.Took a couple of pictures and messed up Andy's spike hair.I know Andy wouldn't like to make his own email or give his email.Not bothering bout that.

So much of the heavy rain that Andy gave.Meaning,when he speak,all his saliva would shower us.Must always bring umbrella.Khai would repeat "Hujan Lebat(Heavy Rain)" when Andy come near him.Hahaha!Andy is the best so called Coach i every met.All other coach who give talk would always make me sleepy.Hoping for the next session of Andy's talk.Whoosh~

I miss the games.I miss the movie.I miss the music.I miss the jokes.I miss the humour.I miss SC Camp.

We will stick together

I miss it...~Off now

What should i blog?Basically,things have been going the terrible way.But,i just had to accept the very fact.
I just thought of it overnight,and i think i better start accepting than rejecting the help when i am in need.I feel so bad after hurting a true friend who was trying to help and i rejected.I am so sorry...

Thanks Sabri for inviting me to a movie.But its just that things collapse and when i am free no one is and when i am not,everyone is.And yea,when to watch a last minute movie,Shaggy Dog at Plaza Sing with my lovely cousins.It was fun anyway.

SC camp was great.Became Mdm Punitham for the second game.Powder was sprinkled over my hair because clapped at the wrong time.For your information,the powder smell nice!And yea dance to a very "not my type" song when i have to dance.The song was 'I Dream'sang by Taufik and i was into hyper.
At the end of the Session,the song Numa Numa played.And i danced to it.Woohooo~

Rollerblading was fun fun fun! The last time i rollerblade was 4 years ago.I don't owe a rollerblade so i practically forgotten how to get up and balance.Tiffany and Delailah were cute.Hahaha!If only it was extended longer,it would be more fun.

I just don't want to blog about my feelings.Its practically driving me nuts.Anyway,i spraint my ankle of no when.Not sure when i spraint my ankle,but it really hurts now.
Peel Banana Peel Peel Banana
Shake Banana Shake Shake Banana
Cut Banana Cut Cut Banana
Sesson Banana Sesson Sesson Banana
Eat Banana Eat Eat Banana
BANANA!

So much being hyper in a pathetic day...~Off now

I'm practically so tired after this Tracking.My group had to go EastCoast and back to Tampines.It was damn tiring.And my group had second.I was so tired cause i didn't eat dinner and breakfast.Plus,didn't bring my waterbottle.My leg is aching...god..

This holiday - Go NCC Training,NCC Day Camp,SC Day Camp . I don't think i really have much of the holiday.My cousins are inviting me somewhere at Orchard on Wednesday and which I'm not free if they end late.I really wish to go out with anyone.I'm so stressed up.And wish i could go out to watch Movie - Big Mama House.If anyone wish to,please just tell cause i'm having a migraine of stressness.

I'm really hoping to get rid of the Friday incident.I can't help it anymore.I don't wish to tell my friends cause i know they won't be able to understand or solve.I told Shikin but she didn't make it so solving.And i don't think she was listening.Iffa,she is away and i rarely contact with her nowadays.So i just hope for a holiday with anyone.And hope that my cousin's invitation won't crash.

It's a burden.It's getting harsh.It's torturing.It's stabbing.It's killing me...~Off now

Yo yo! Away for these few days and packed with trainings and rehearsals.Maybe i shall sumaries it shorter cause there is alot for Sec1 camp.

Thursday had to rehears on the marching.MP coming for Speech Day so NCC (Girls) would be wearing No.1 !

Friday was sort of a bad day for me in the afternoon and morning.I was hurt by the words my classmates threw to me.My mood really change.Mrs Kho tried to defend but it really didn't make me feel better.Next lesson was MT and i just sat and stare at the game we were playing.Out of a sudden i started crying.Was so hurt that it really stored in my mind permanently and it made me cry whenever i think about it again.Natiara insist of telling her the problem and which i didn't feel to.IMT cried in the bus and fall asleep.I fail my IMT.Tried to make myself cheer up for the camp.

Sec 1 INTERACTION CAMP :

1st day
Came at 6.15pm and straight away ate dinner.Blind mice trail was fun.I scare some.Slept at 1am.Had to share with Farah my sleeping bag and i actually was being squashed by her.Didn't sleep well.

2nd day
Play the stations.They were co-operative but need to be alert at all times.Botanic Garden went walking around with Priscilia,Pamela and Gabriel.Went to Rain Forest with Priscilia and we were lost.We were lost and we were beside the main road.But found our way back.

Camp Fire was FUN ! But i still like last year's camp fire but this year the campers really into dancing.Edmund was so into it.I gotta say Edmund really can change.He is a nice boy but he have to behave.He once threw a pencil case on my head when i told him to pick up the litter.Well that was before the camp.Way before.He apologised to me and that's when i see he really have the potential.Marvel way the go!Shouted during the camp fire till my voice is gone.

Received our t-shirt.Its nice anyway.Briefing was early so slept early.Mr Jae like Sec1'2005 batch? I gotta say,yea, we rock! Haha! 1992 batch are monkeys and monkeys are noisy and active.

3rd Day
Woke up late and am running a fever.I got no strength.Gary told me to oraganise on the station on who wants.My group is so lethargic.My head is spinning as though i was going to faint.And my voice change.At the field when i told them just to make a single line to do the United we move they complain and took such a long time.And when i told them to practice they show faces and say vulgaralities.I really felt like shouting "Shuddup" but my heart pulled it back.

Thanks to the lemon that make my right thumb hurts till now.Eventhough my group is the last for United We Move,i think we did it well.Cause no one was injurd and they reached the line Unitedly.3 Cheers for Dare Devil.But well our section got the last for telematch.I cheered loudly and alot of people were staring.Hey,at least they attempt and they made it Unitedly.Safety first.

This camp is..i shall say its okay.Would be fun if people co-operate.My group is so quiet.Only these 4 boys,Anwar,Hamdan,(two other whome i forgot) and 2 girls,Alina and Michelle were participative.They interact with each other even they are from different classes.

I don't know whether i help well in the camp but i suddenly feel so useless not getting to get things i want it to be...~Off now

Sighh...

I've been busy lately.So i didn't have time to blog on alternate days like i usually did.Its a terrible nightmare for me.I mean,everyday is turning out to be a bad day.

Yesterday,had to stay back for my group,Marvel,for the Sec1 camp.On that time in which i had loads things to complete.
- Do filming
- Help Mrs Low on the banners
- Go for Marvel meeting 3pm - 5pm
- Complete Malay Book Review
- Go to the Sch Library
- Go to Regional Library
- Do Sketch Bk homework
- Read a whole book of malay by 6hrs.
- Do book review
Everything i planned is almost cancel due to time constraint.

Okay what was with yesterday,PE,ran 1.2km in which i succeed in 6mins 3 sec.Mr Alsagoff typed my name "Hanai" instead of "Hanani".And people are starting to call me that.

My head hurts everytime i think about Jian Xin's comment.Alright i would blurt it out "Fatin,can please stop showing off.I know lar,you too clever but don't need to voleenteer right.Alamak..action ah you."I know most of you side Jian Xin.I almost cried when he said that again during Maths Class today.All i ever thought was,i love to voleenteer to do sums.And if you think I'm showing off,so be it.All i wanted was to help my class to excel in maths.And all you all gave me was some kind of sacarstic comment.It brought tears to myself.

Our class collected $130 for Homec and which is the highest!Those who contributed,thanks and you roCK !

Lit,I FAILED!I was crying and which no one realise.I mean its my fav subject and i receive a F9 for it.Used to get A1 and now i'm downgraded to F9.There was alot of question which Ms De Silve could give 1/2 mark or 1 mark for it but she just didn't want to.

I'm so stress up these days.I'm practically ignoring all my friends.What they say i would just answer with my draggy mood.Sometime i just think jokes they make isn't funny when it was suppose.I'm just upset.I don't wish to talk to any friends bout this.I have migrane too.Migrane,Migrane,Migrane.All i wish for it to go away.Seek for everyone's co-operation for not giving me extra stress.~Off now

I'm practically tired these days.I just really miss Camp FEAST and wish i could stay there.I miss BIG Mama,TCG and the funny and crappy CLTs.I would think every fun and funny moments happen just on that 2 day camp.

I know i don't look alive these days.The reason being is,I'm too tired,I'm running a fever and I just can't forget the Camp FEAST.Mr Lim and Mrs Kho have been realising the difference in me during class.Usually they would know i would be the talkative and the one whom always voleenteer."Fatin,are you okay?You don't look lively like you always do.You want to go to the sick-bay?" Mrs Kho asked me when i was feeling damn sick.I obviously got darker and i got sunburn.I don't have any single mood to talk to anyone except my bro who is so into Camp FEAST.I told him which part i like and all that and he looked so interested.Camp FEAST is way much fun.

NCC training and only 10 people come.Anqi joined netball.Was chosen to be in the marching contigent and i was the middle man or what-ever-it-is-called.I seriously don't have a single mood for today's training even though Sgt Nurril and Staff Hanisah looked and sound happy.

I've thought that i would not talk if its not nescessary.I mean,everyone is like taking what i say into a sacarstic remark.Is it true?I just got no tendancy to talk to anyone if its not important or join a conversation unless someone invites.My heart shattered when they kept like so called "scold" or gave a mark saying "its sacarstic".I can't take it nomore.From now on,i shall shut my mouth and don't say anything unless asked for opinion.Its heart-breaking.

You just have to put yourself in my shoes...~Off now