Bang Bang Bang!

Arghhh!!! I hate myself ! Yes,i know i did the right thing,but,I'm obviously losing friends! And now,it's spreaded !Everyone knows... They told to concentrate on my studies.I can't.I simply can't let it off my mind..I just wanna cry!

People hate me for who i am.Fadhly whom i treat just like my good friend hates me.'He' hate me for letting the cat out of the bag.His friends hate me too.I hate myself...This all reminds me of my primary school days.People hate me...Can't stop them.

I'm a nobody.A nobody who is being leftout.A freak that people runs away from.I'm a pathetic loser...

No one understands.No one.

Give me the strength and Courage~Off now

Arghhh!!!

What is wrong?!?

I wish i was someone else.Yes,yesterday was extreamely terrible but,i forget all about it to start anew.I don't blame anyone for it,its fate!God wants it that way.

Today,it turn out worse than i thought!Came school and was being shouted at for stop being a "K-Po"Cried once.Then,MT Cikgu scold me for not listening properly.He say study until question 50 but i learn until question 30.Cried twice.Then Hist was the worse of all.

Okay,my friend actually cheated.Mr Lim was teaching and he was handling the computer with Mr Lim's thumbdrive there.He saw "Eng Mid-Year 2006",off the projactor and obviously open the file.He transfer the junk into his Mp3.I told him not to cheat but he ignore.I wanted to tell Mr Lim but then,he told me he delete already.

During recess,i stayed behind to complete my Maths HW when Mr Lim said something.So then i told him about it and he bellowed at me.He scolded that why i didn't tell him earlier.Mr Lim told me to find 'him',and when Mr Lim found and took away,he gave a look at me.Everyone asked why i told Mr Lim.And for the moment,did i do the right thing?

I ran to the toilet and cried.I didn't wanna face my classmates.Art,i said sorry to him and he said "Sorry ah?Sorry no cure!I kena expelled okay!"I cried again.All my classmates now are acting so cold towards me.I wonder,would i be the next rivalry of the class?I guess i am.

Then assembly,2E2 councilors didn't utter a word to me.Something was so wrong.I didn't bother because all was in my mind was the major thing,the Hist.Reached home and then Suhaimi was like...

"I know!"Okay,look I'm sorry bout yesterday.Read his blog and yea got it he was refering to me.Lost friendship?What you refer me as a pathetic friend?Whom I just leave you for some stupid mistake?Do i look like i hate you when i ignore you?

Cried 7 times today.Arghhh...Why am i so useless? AM I A GOOD FRIEND? I can't take it anymore.I cause alot of stuff to happen.
I made 'him' angry and his other friends for letting the cat out of the bag.
I made Suhaimi thinks Gods hate him.
I made people act so cold towards me.

You lost 2 friends.I lost the whole class.

Shoot me! BANG !

No one understands.No one.Only god knows..only god.
I'm sorry...~Off now

What is wrong with me today...

I feel like shooting myself,headshot.Bang! And I'm dead.

I'm invisible and i wish i would remain like this.
Last night,the same thing happened.Can't stop crying from it,but...forget it.

I am officially being leftout in school.Recess tried to cheer myself out but i sounded like a pathetic person without anyone laughing along..Decided to forget bout it.After school,went HQ NCC and cheered myself with Shikin along.In the bus,Mrs Tan chat with us and Hafizah made alot of jokes and really made me laugh like hell.I thought i was happy again,until...

Stayed back to wait for Shikin who waited for Hasanah who waited for Shuhada.Missed my favourite TV programme and told myself nevermind.Heard dirty jokes which really made me laugh like hell.Walked with Shuhada,Shikin,Hasanah and Suhaimi.Hasanah has to go home immediately.Left with the other 2e2 students.YES!I feel extreamly left out.I didn't even know what topic they were talking about.

Don't what happen till i got so fed up with them and rush for the bus when in the end,they took another bus.I mean,imagine waiting for them for 1/2 hr.Then another 15mins cause they want to eat and in the end,end up being dumped.

Cried in the bus 291 during the journey to interchange.There is only 4 other passengers,1 bus driver and me.I cried out of sadness.Don't wanna say why i cry.

What is wrong with them?Or is it ME? Yea..it's me.Shoot me.I really wish i'm invisible.

Hopeless me.Leave me alone.Don't talk why and what.I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I hate... ~Off now

Happiness obscured the worries.But still,would materialize again.Hopefully,would not.I want to remain the happy me.

Thursday was hilarious!Started with Homec which Mdm Yang was so cute.She is always anyway!I also remembered when she play badminton with me.Hahaha.Then Lit had role play.It was great!Well,Nisha really acted out really well,i mean ,i kept laughing at her blurness.Was it natural,or you did it yourself?No offence but was really a jerk to everyone.Ms Abidah asked me why my targets for Lit is so low which is C5.I was dumbfounded when she said she expect alot from me and she knew i could get A2 or A1.I mean,to know that Ms Abidah really expect alot and believe in me,it melts my heart to do better.A student would strive when teachers believe in them.Thanks Ms Abidah =)

Speech Day

It was a relaxing day mann!I mean,Eng Mdm Fauziah told what happened because she was late.Maths Mrs Kho didn't come.Hist Mr Lim just talk and talk.MT went Comp Lab and IT Comp Lab too.Wow.Then during IT we went to this web and typed something which was so hilarious till i could get stiches.Finally my buds felt like what i felt too.The doughnut wasn't nice right Syafiqah and Natasha?Hahaha!

Before the parade at what they gave.Yea,i didn't finish eating it cause i was full and everyone finished eating.Just when the parade was about to start,it rained.Everyone set a long face.I cried when Mr Feraj say "Okay,its going to be Indoor" All our sweat and now Indoor?I prayed hard that it would stop raining when it actually stopped!!God really answered my prayers.Amin.So it was Outdoor parade.Yipee.

The parade starts and there goes the honour.Waiting for the Principle was long.My legs were like jelly and my hand were slipping from each other.I kept telling myself to be strong because this is for once and for all.Principle came and was such a relief.Then waited for Mr Yatiman Yusoff.That's when i could barely take it anymore.I move my feet and wringle my toes.Yes,move as in 1 cm to the left.So what if they see,its over anyway.Haha.The Guest-of-honour came.Inspection he stopped the person next to me,Bariah.Hahaha!When everything was over,everyone jumped and head to the hall.

The performances was great.After the whole thing,went to the foyer and took pics with NCC Girls.Overall,the speech day was superb!

Happy + Happy = 2Happy ~Off now

Yo !

Was kinda fun too yesterday.Science,did presentation.Some groups just like stood there and read everything from their power point presentation.It was like getting on my nerves and I was so restless bout it.It's damn boring.
Hmmmm,Speech Day Rehearsal? Was boring too.It was indoor.I mean,i hate indoor.But it was raining so had no choice.Wore No.1 and I was like Wow!Then Mr Alsagoff become the Guest-of-honour.Then he stopped at me and don't know what the hell he mumbled to me and he went off.

Today didn't came to school cause had appointment at KKH for my leg.Well,Dr Arjandas Mahadev pressed my scar!I was like "YOWCH" But nothing came out of my mouth.Then my mum asked the Dr why my scar is dark in colour and not so nice."I'll give you this cream for you to apply on it and i think it would be better then" The Dr was happy to hear that i can run faster than before.But,i wonder,what slowed me down that day?

Next appointment is on 4th October 06.Wow!The Dr wants to check whether the bone still grow again.I'm scared.What if it grows?Would i go for another operation?Mann...it worries me again.

What if the dark times start again...~Off now

WasssssssssssssuP !

Was kinda late for school.But manage to get in a Mercendes Car called Taxi.Reached school at about 7.05am??Did some upper body work-ups.PE,had some delayed time cause Mr Alsagoff had to attend some disciplinary stuff.PE is getting more boring than i thought.

Then Sci.Had to do the role play tomorrow.I mean,i was laughing like hell when Natasha say bout the dirtiness.And so much for Syafiqah and Natasha to be the sperm.So Sporting!Hahaha!

After school stayed back to play badminton with Syafiqah and some other Sec.1 girls.Forgot their name.

Headaches.Chapter 6 of Sci?Its driving me nuts!~Off now

Yo Yo.

Ouh yea,so what if you consider us "not like you expected".I am not gonna worry or regret what she have said to you.I don't know what you have to say to us,but it doesn't matter if it hurts alot.You can criticize me or take revenge,but not onto my best buds.So what if i don't know everything.And do you think I would want to know everything bout you?By the way,i shouldn't have apologised to you,instead,you should apologise to us.

**Ignore the above paragraph to those whom I don't mean to.I know I am rough there,but I am defending my buds.And to that person,if you "terasa" sorry.

Well,went to Iffa and Izzat's birthday party at the chalet.Didn't sleep over cause didn't bring extra clothes.Lydia and Finna were there too.And it's my first time seeing them with my own naked eyes.Played at the playground late at night about 9pm!Yea,some daring stuff and i act as though i was some P3 kid.Hahaha!

Ate 4 chickens,4 sausages,1 beef steak and 3 fishball.Hahaha!Yea,and its my first time eating all that in just one plate!I'm never that hungry before.And i almost ate a raw beef stick which i thought was cooked and dipped in some gravy.

Took alot of candies and jelly.Bullied Hafizah.Haha!And Finna kept saying "You guys are so 'NICE' "As usually,i was the crappy and nonsenstical person there.Lydia got irritated of me and took jellies to shoot at me if i misbehave.Went out to the beach.The Sea level is so high!I mean,i can't believe its that high!Then Hafizah shouted "What's that?" pointing to the so kind of rock that is partially submerged.I was just hoping that i won't see something strange.

Then went back to chalet and Mum wants to get home cause its 11.30pm already.It was damn fun!

Anyway,i have not completed my Eng HW.
Hehe~Off now

Happy Good Friday everyone!

Umm..yesterday lesson were fine and fun but after school its a terrible disapointment.

Was thinking of doing editing but forgot to bring the casset.Went to the Loaning of Sports Equiment and everyone was crowding there.Sec1s scold us for not having the key.

Then a person looked at our badge and say 'Sports Div somemore!Don't have key!'Find Ronney and he handed the key.Opened the cage and everyone rush for the equipments.

Then a boy who wanted to return a rugby ball threw the ball on my face on purpose.Yea,my nose still hurts.I mean,hey,"Do i look like a cage to you?Or even your slave?"And to add on,I am a distance away from the cage.

Mr Tan came scolding me for issuing the balls out.Okay,even though i didn't issue it,cause i wasn't there for quite a sometime,i dont mind hold the responsibility.Yea,and if the plant comes out,i will plant it back.There is no use pointing fingers at others,we are family.One for all,all for one.

So i cried,knowing i was a useless councilor who couldn't do anything.Arghh..its just right from the begining.
Then some Sec1 girls came and wanted to borrow volleyball."Mr Tan don't allow"and the girls when scolding me and saying bad stuff bout Mr Tan.I kept quiet.

A Sec1 boy came wanting to borrow a racket and all has been loan.
Boy - You councilors ahh...
Me - Councilors what?
Boy- You councilors why never buy extra racket.
Me- Ouh so its councilors fault ah
Boy- Yea!
Me- Thanks..

And on top of it,that boy is from 1E1.I mean,1E1 people don't act as though they are from 1E1 or even prove their manners they are from there!

All that happen in one very day that i though i wanted to get home early to rest but in the end up doing duty for Shuhada and Khai.Ouh yea,Khai encounter the same problem as me.Yea..why do we councilors don't have the respect from Sec1s?

Sometimes..its no use for me to be called as a councilor...right?
~Off now

Sick.Tired.Disapointed.Scared.Sad.Worried.and last, Hyper.
Cough,Runny nose and suprise headache that i almost collapsed while walking.What is wrong with me?

Started with MT and its like dragging my sickness.Hist was worst.Mr Lim asked me lotsa of question and i can't even answer when i usually could.My head was dead blank.Maths,yea,could go along with Mrs Kho,but when she gave us the quiz,i couldn't solve and i almost cried.

Assembly,3 cheers to Prof C Kunalan.I admire him mann.I just hope i could be in track and field.But,impossible...

SC meeting.What a nightmare.Came in late.Sat at the back.Had some talk by Mr Jae.I wish i am selected to the Thailand Trip."Okay,i tell the good thing first than the bad things.. " that was what Mr Jae said that made my heart pumped so hard.

Then comes to the BAD part.Well,thanks to Mr Jae for caring eventhough i didn't talk to him about it.Little tears stuck in my eye.Phew!Pen down my name and quickly left the AVA Rm to prevent people from seeing.Did duty cause no one was there.Played badminton with Delailah,Tiffany and Su cause Syafirin wanted to do duty.

Joke joke around and went home at 5.15pm.

I am pathetically sick for now.And tomorrow is a long day.I want to go to sleep now...but haven't done my HW yet.

Flu,please go away...~Off now

I am DOOMED!
ARGHH!!!
What a terrible day.

Yesterday something BAD happened and i wish it hadn't happened.And i wish it won't disturb my studies or even me.

Today started off by crying bout last night.I wasn't crying because i was sick.Thanks to those who asked me if i am okay.
Then i was so sick till i could feel like i'm gonna collapsed soon.My face was pale.Teachers realised and told me to go home,but i refuse,i want to go for the marching.
NCC,i almost collapsed.
Hasanah wasn't chosen in the marching contigent but was chosen as reserve.She cried and consulted her.At the meantime,i was also crying.
And the worse was,EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THE SPORTS DIV !!

Okay,i thought i could get a clear answer for it.Now,everyone knows I was the one who brought the matter up.And Suhaimi told me Mr Jae is going to talk bout the 'Slacking' of sports div.Aww mann...i don't wish to go to school tomorrow.I don't want everyone to look at me and blame me for bringing a small matter up.IT'S MY FAULT !! But i'll miss the Kunalan-runner.I'll just consider bout it.

It's all my fault !! Why did i brought the matter up? Why am i so sensitive to those words? And would everyone look down at me or even hate me??

WHAT IS HAPPENING ?!?
I'm hopeless..i knew it...~Off now

Arghhh...

I'm so sick.I'm tired.

Today Mr Alsagoff have course so there isn't any PE.Boring..but Mrs Oh came and gave us a good talk.It really made me realise more.Yes,nothing is impossible.There was some complaints from classmates bout teachers and which i didn't even utter a word bout it.
My aim :
Eng - B3
Maths - A1
Sci - A1
MT - B4 or C5
Hist - A1
Homec - A1
Lit - B4

Yea,there are more A1s now.I'm setting for it,and I'M GOING FOR IT.

Collect No.1 Uni.Had a bad cold.Kept sneezing and sneezing and my nose is like a running tap.Speech day rehearsal tomorrow,so I'll reconsider not coming to sch tomorrow.Arghh...

Where did i go right? ~ Off now

Is Sports Division slacking???

I hate it whenever Gabriel comes.Its hurts alot."Sports Division useless ah.Slack only.Never do any work."Gabriel said.And other councilors kept looking down on Sports Div. Classmates also.I even cried to know what Gabriel had said.You guys complaint we are useless.Who are the ones who usually do the ball duty? You guys may not see me do the duty,but god does.And everytime we would want to do duty,you guys pushed us away and don't even appreciate us to be there.So when you guys cant do it,who you look for? Us.

The one and only question on my head is,
Am i a good councilor or even in Sports Division?
The most overwhelming thing i knew was,councilors looking down on other councilors ESPECIALLY Sports Division.

I hope anyone can answer the question.And to all,Sports Division slack?~Off now

~You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you~

BiG BrEaKfast.Mdm Punitham gave me this kind of selmon cheese thingy.And i puked! It was so gross.At first i thought it was strawberry or something you know.Then took pictures together.Mdm Punitham i love you !!! Hahahaha!!

Maths was kinda happy cause had the highest for the test.MT was disapointing a practically crying cause i failed badly for the test.Su had 35/40.And me?14/40.I knew that i was weak in MT.Had a talk with Cikgu Jeffri whom lectured me.I'll give my best cikgu!
Recess,Khalis and Irfan bullied me.Haha!They took my book and ran to the boys toilet so i can't get it back.

It was tough.NCC ALL THE WAY!Okay,there was this part which is after the warm up,and someone who acted like Mr Yatimah Yussof,smiled so funny till everyone was giggling.And i laughed badly till i couldn't concentrate on my steps.Mon collecting No.1 ! Wooohooo!!

I know that,
You look down on me
You always ignore
You often give "I-hate-you"kind of look
You keep on picking on me
You don't appreciate me
You despise me...

It hurts more than what you think.Yes,I am a hopeless and useless student.

I held back my tears,and decided to try going on...~Off now

I'm tired to blog...but its damn fun today.

This is my first time seeing the whole class so happy about Sci.Especially Khalis who is dirty minded said he know more about girls than boys.Then i went like "Eeewww..."Khalis really like Chapt 6 - Reproduction/Sex .Elaine then said "Khalis,why don't want to show us Practical."And i went laughing like hell.Even Mdm Punitham understands us!She gives us 30sec of laughter every sentence she talk.Hahahaha! The whole period i was laughing and laughing.

After school was fun too.Stayed back for soccer tennis which we verses 2e5 and our score was 0-9.How pathetic?Then played badminton,netball+basketball,soccertennis with Khai and Su.Then Khai's handphone was confiscated by Mr Tan.What else to make Khai happy?I went joking about the balls and the big ball.I know its dirty,but it made Khai laughed like hell.

Went home seeing two childrens in the bus begging their mum for some stuff.Haha.

I know you despise me...but I don't...~Off now

WOW!I'm directly being proven ,
Pathetic.Hopeless.
A useless friend.
Being looked down.Everytime!

So tell me,how can i not hate myself? I give up.I totally give up on myself.Yea,seeing her in that manner worries me.I'm rejected.Can't help it.Can't force her.What am i? A MORON.WOW!

I'm so sick of all this.Migraine and loss of concentration during class.

A fine but terrible day.I want to shoot myself.


ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave me alone...
I hate it..
Buzz off!

I AM A USELESS FRIEND,AN IDIOT AND MORON...
I admit...~Off now

Marvel - 6th place.Congrats.
What is happening to me???

PE was the worse nightmare.I can't take it anymore.My 2.4km timing is now 14mins plus.YES indeed,i did extreamly badly.And further more,my knee was burning.I limped troughout the PE lesson and also up the stairs.Was struggling up the stairs and some 1e1 girls were like complaining how slow i am.Look,I know you girls are 1E1 but have some patience.And if you are from that class,i believe you have the initiative to say 'Excuse me' cause I didn't even realise you behind and I'm concentrating on my balance.

The whole day i kept thinking of giving up and the PE incident.And teachers caught me dreaming.
Frankly,i give up.Ignore if i cry,ignore if i say anything negative about myself,ignore me.

I'm just a useless person.



SCREW ME!!!



I.....give.....up.I'm sorry....~Off now

Terrible stuff have happened i don't wish to talk about it.
But to summaries it,I'm just a useless friend that is being rejected for helping.Screw me.

Brian from 1e4.Haha isn't he cute?Okay,he is damn cute.My new godbrother.Well,he insisted on "Eh you become my god sister okay?" And i went like "Okay SURE Sure sure!".Anyway,we have our own way on saying Hi to each other.You'll see.

Tomorrow is PE and its Endurance test.Umm...yea,Alvin beat me in running meaning,I'VE SLOWED DOWN.Screw me.

What is wrong with you?Spill it out.I spilled out mine,and probably you should too.I hate to see you like that.It makes me feel guilty.Screw me.

People are taking me for granted.Screw me.

Screw me
Screw me
Screw me
Screw me
Screw me
Screw me
Screw me !!!

I hate myself...~Off now