Ever felt like your life is so miserable and you feel like there is no use going on?

Today was a disaster.

I don't know what's happening to me.I just wish i can find out what's happening to me.My studies is not up to standard.My maths marks was disapointing.I wasn't the top of the class i used to be,i wasn't the quiet Fatin i used to be.

Today,was reminded "Hey councilor".I was talking to Syafiqah outside the toilet after school and Mdm Zainab said we were too loud.Reminded me i'm a councilor.After school shouted at the 11 dancers for the teachers' day.Security guard came up and said "Hey councilor......"
Am i a good councilor?Sometimes ,i think ,i don't suit to have the councilor tittle.

I'm handling too much things.All i wished that i won't get white hair.I just wish i can just let go off some and be the original person i used to be.I missed the Fatin i used to be.The one whom crack jokes and smile at anyone.

I want someone to slap me so that i can be awake.
I want to knock my head on the wall till it bleed.
I want to turn back time.
I want everything to be the way it is.
I want myself...

Thanks Huda,but i'll cry even more if i were to let it out.I don't want to let it off now.Maybe when i am ready,i'll tell.The question is...would i ever be ready.Maybe after the exams,maybe when i suffered enough and wish i could run away from reality.

I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back.I want myself back!!!!!!!!!

Kept telling myself that i'll just wake up anytime and know it as all a nightmare.

Yes,i do feel miserable.I'm not a good councilor,I'm not a good friend,I'm not a good cousin,I'm not a good person.I can't be perfect.I go for the extra mile,but it turn out as a disaster.

Deep down at the bottom of my heart,i bleed,suffer and cry.But on the outside,i'm simply just smiling.

I'm not crazy,i'm just a little unwell...~Off now